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Accordion Vintage by apeSoft

apeSoft released Accordion Vintage, an AUv3 built with samples from a Vintage Accordion. Alessandro has always seemed like such a nice guy. I can't imagine what would drive him to do this. I know a lot of developers struggle with receiving insane App Store reviews from customers who simply don't even try to resolve their problems. This can be heartbreaking when so much of a developer's time is spent providing support to customers. I guess it is enough to make anyone crack.

While none of us will be able to forgive him for this, we should try to learn from the atrocity. Be kind to devs!

Accordion Vintage

Accordion Vintage is a virtual sampled instrument based on an original
Italian accordion made in Castelfidardo in the 60s years.

The sound has been captured with amazing technical tools.
Accordion Vintage consists of almost 1300 samples perfectly looped,
4 velocity layers, key-on and key-off noises for a more realistic sound.

° Full Audiounit (AUv3) support
° iOS Universal
° Audiobus and Inter-App Audio
° Audiobus 3 MIDI support and state save
° Share Presets and Samples between App and AUv3
° Built-In effects: Stereo Delay, Vowel Filter, Sterealizer and Classical/Vintage Reverberator
° Keyboard Ribbon Style
° Keyboard scales quantize
° Full Parameters MIDI/LFO/Accelerometer mapping
° Presets Interpolation Pad
° MIDI Clock and Ableton Link
° Record to .wav file
° AudioCopy/Audioshare/Open In... etc...

Reader Red Sky Lullaby documented the app, presumably under the orders of a UN Human Rights commission.

Reader Comments 8

Hmmm… Is this a TW™ joke about how people in the US dislike accordions so much that they define a gentleman as someone who knows how to play accordion yet doesn’t? Or is it about romplers in general? Or was there something egregiously bad about the app which should trigger a serious warning about Alessandro’s sanity in the age of confinement?

This morning, I was listening to a radio show about the benefits of breathing, on France Inter. There was a powerful monologue which managed to bring together the first breath of life, the last breath of a dying person, respiratory diseases, the murderous asphyxiation of George Floyd, the effects of stress on breathing patterns… and the breathing movements of an accordion. It offered me a momentary respite from a situation of intense despair. There are times when the sounds of an accordion are soothing and appropriate.
On June 09, 2020 - @Enkerli said:
a gentleman as someone who knows how to play accordion yet doesn’t

This is it exactly! I thought I'd try to interject some humor into the day, but it feels like this fell flat.

Oh well, I laughed enough at my own poor joke for all of us.
I laughed too Tim! 🤣
I should add that in Italy accordion is usually the first instrument heard playing live, for many people. Elders are all accordion virtuoso here. I’m sure there are a lot of happy grampas with a flat hat and an ipad pro now. 😄🤣
I’m joking too, from the youtube preview seems like the app sounds very good. And as far as i know it is the first proper accordion app to hit the app store. Love everything from Apesoft, great developer!
June 10, 2020  | person belibat
@TW (His Emperorness Upon the Highest Pile of Grounds) : When my expectations are put inside a coffee can with a few ball-bearings and then shaken vigorously it almost always elicits a response somewhere along the humor continuum. This assumes at least some part of the joke doesn't go over my head. Unfortunately, by any stature you might choose to measure me by I'm pretty short, but, even I 'got it'. At least superficially. As an LCD type, diagnosed by my elementary math scores, I appreciate your consideration for my common plight and thank you for bringing a moment of joy intermixed with learning into my otherwise dismal LCD existence.

I doubt "this fell flat." I frequently read really funny stuff (at least it tickles my brain-jelly and nor did I mean to imply that you are not "really funny" ;) and I rarely, to never, see it generate the response rate of un-funny stuff. I've been working on a new linguistic grand theory for humor since I started writing my comment here. It goes like this: humor is a delicate ephemeral wispy essence-of-a-thing which we unconsciously appreciate must not be handled or it will die. Humor is thus best thought of as being a abyssal (or in your case hadal) zone jellyfish which will only be destroyed when we bring it up to the surface for study. So, we Hunters of the Jellyfish Orders instinctively adopt a non-interventionist mindset when pursuing such delicates lest our pursuits fall flat.

@Enkerli: Has inspired me to once again think about maybe someday looking over a direct translation of Foucault rather than just another angry neo-marxist interpretation in sound-byte sized snippets. I'm Anglo through and through though. I still remember being impressed as a youngster with the Life of Voltaire. And to be candid ;) than was about as enthusiastic as I got with the French masters. Always had a penchant for swashbuckling (as in guys that actually had to carry and know how to use f**k**g swords!) philosophers surviving by their wits in a dangerous world contemporary Americans can hardly imagine the violence of. Unless, of course, they are black men in America. Oh yeah, then there is Montaigne. Read all of his stuff. That old boy was Deeply funny! Still read him now and again. Talk about Survival of the Wittiest! Okay, Chaucer counts too. The whole Normandy blurry boundary betwixt the English and French mixing-pot thing was still huge back then. Talk about the lives of swashbucklers-with-brains! Chaucer was 'rewarded' with a so-called 'sinecure' post manning one of 'merry' old London's gates. That was a big-f'ing deal back then! The guy he replaced? That guy's head wound up on a spike along the gate's wall. When men were men, and sheep were scared, that's what they called taking the early-retirement option! Of course, in all likelihood, Foucault has nothing to do with what Enkerli is talking about? Maybe I'm conflating "breath" with my dim conception of French Biopolitics or something? Who knows what I will discover? I don't. I suppose I might reveal that I did work in acute care settings long enough to have heard a fairly wide cross-cultural selection of death-rattles. Heard and seen, enough times, such that my brain's philosophical wheels start spinning, seemingly unbidden, along the lines of the above mentioned French radio story, in quiet moments to this day.

Fight on! Can't stop the signal with a sword even if it is made with an Accordion!
June 10, 2020  | person_outline Crowfly
Was “Weird Al” Yankovic not enough to redeem the accordion?
I play in a band with a brilliant musician who plays accordion. The music is really rich and fascinating. He's really good.

"A guy left his accordion in the back seat of his car overnight. In the morning the car door window was busted out, and now there were two accordions in his back seat."

"An accordion and a banjo, which to you smash first? The banjo. Business before pleasure."

"Difference between an accordion and a vacuum cleaner? You have to plug a vacuum in for it to suck."

And an important drummer joke:
"Difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner? Position of the dirtbag."
Read James Ellroy’s wonderfully noir-ish take on real life “Bad Boy of the Accordion” Dick Cortino.
“Dick Cortino’s Blues” is a fantastic piece of writing.
@SodaMountain: Does this trump your "Weird Al", or, does it set back all Accordion progress made in the past 100 years?

Life Accordion To Trump #4:

@stub: ~|:-D Googled "accordion jokes" with mediocre results. But after reading a bit from the second chapter from _The Accordion in the Americas_ I decided to take its advice and just replace the name of any instrument in a joke with "accordion." Sure enough, if it fit, it was pretty funny and nearly always funnier than the original instrument. Curious attribute of the accordion. Like a super-power.
Source material for the experiment:
Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola/accordion?
It saves time.

@JeffC: Live the dream with a "Vintage Settimio Soprani L430/40 Piano Accordion Made in Italy" for a mere 150 clams on eBay. Looks like you'd have a 1950s Buick grille and bumper strapped on your own 'frontend' when you squeeze it. Only musicians with strong-backs need apply.
June 11, 2020  | person_outline Crowfly

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