Some of my opponents reject my bid for Emperor on the basis that it is undemocratic. Some even point out the old adage that absolute power corrupts absolutely. Surely God has absolute power, but do you see anyone accusing the divine of corruption?
Actually... that gives me an idea...
Tim for God Emperor
My opponents are quick to point a finger at what's wrong with this country, but none of them offer any solutions. With untrammeled power, and divine authority, I will be able to Make America Greater Than!
Far too many men with receding hairlines become overly self-conscious. They go to great lengths to conceal the truth written upon their brow, but in their inevitable failure become resentful and suspicious. "Can they tell this is a hairpiece? Are they talking about my hairpiece behind my back?" This ever-present paranoia gnaws on them constantly. It begins to interfere with their thoughts on other matters; leading them to say really dumb things about Mexicans.
As someone who started to go bald in my teens, I'm here to tell everyone to embrace who you are. Either shave it or save it, but do not try to lie to yourself or the rest of the world. When my administration comes to power the only hairpieces sold in this great country will be clown wigs.
Cold War 2
Russian aggression towards its neighbors has pushed us into a state of alertness not seen since the Cold War. We won that torpid conflict through an economic emphasis on science and technology. To win the seemingly inevitable Cold War 2 we must immediately prepare our scientific and technological advancements to meet this challenge.
A Drone in Every Home
As drones have served us in the Middle East, let them also serve us on the homefront. Through our high-tech vigilance we will be ready for the Red Army! Every man, woman, and child in America should become the operator of a drone. Also drones are really fucking cool!
By contributing to my campaign you will be directly funding my ambition to build a drone army!
TL;DR: I found a hobby. Please send money.